Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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