so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
