It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
this boner is exhausting
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
