weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
