I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
