That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
