guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
