I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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