He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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