Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
