Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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