rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
