I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
