In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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