Christians are straight up FREAKS
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
