and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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