I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
