Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
