i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
