Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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