Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
