omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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