I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
