I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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