Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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