Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
