Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
