He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
