i jhust puked up my retainher.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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