so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I only lived at night.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
