someone threw a dead crab at me
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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