"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
