he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
