Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
