he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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