Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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