I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize