Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
