weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
