like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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