My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
