You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
