today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
