i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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