Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
