so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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