in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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