I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
