"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
sarcasm needs its own font
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
