The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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