so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
