i would punch a child for taco bell
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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