I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
