why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
