and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
