I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
