you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
