I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
