he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
