omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
