i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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