I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
