**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
